we are pretty sure...

we are pretty sure she would go by "grandma chris."  that's the family consensus anyways.

and I'm positive I would celebrate her today by taking us to get pedicures together.

but I wonder if I could talk her into getting her toes done.  I remember her having nail polish and occasionally having painted nails.  but I never remember her toes painted.

and then we would go out for italian food.  all of us.

and I wonder if she would love or hate the orange lipstick I am wearing today.

and I wonder what her favorite kind of birthday cake would be.  I remember trying to make her a chocolate cake on her birthday when I was much younger, but we were out of eggs.  so I called my grandma and she told me I could substitute mayo for eggs.  it was so not good.  but I don't ever remember asking her what her favorite kind of cake was.  would she love salted caramel as much as I do.

and I wonder how we celebrated her 44th birthday.  we didn't know it was her last one with us.  I didn't take mental notes.  I wonder if my memory will ever give me the gift of recalling that day.  I so pray it does.

and I wonder if she would understand how messy my floor is most of the time.  especially today.  if she ever had a messy floor?  I always remember our floors sparkling clean growing up.

I know she can hear my boys singing "happy birthday grandma chris" up in heaven.  but I wonder if I will ever be strong enough to sing along.  until heaven.

Happy Birthday Mom.