What It Means To Be 40. Going Grey.

Is it Gray or Grey?!  Whichever It Is - Owning It.

On most days I can do 50 legit pushups.
I'm proud to say I can still hold my own in adventuring with my children.
I finally caved and had to change my font size, but just one level, on my phone.  it really should be two.
My right knee clicks when I walk up the stairs, I have 3 sets of stairs in my house.
I can jump on the trampoline, sometimes for 30 seconds, sometimes 5 minutes, before my bladder neeeeeds to be relieved.
OH that bladder.
I contemplate botox, just for my scowl line - oh that one has been perfected for years.  But I haven't done it YET.
I add collagen to my coffee every morning.  btw this is the one I like best, dissolves easily and has no taste.  I've tried a lot.

I'm alive.  What a freakin privilege to be alive.  


I slipped into this decade of 40.  No big party or hoopla.  We bought a really great mattress and Nick gave me matching PJs.  It was as good as it could be.  My mom passed away suddenly on my 22 birthday, so as you can imagine it's been a long road to being able to even acknowledge this day as a good one.  Or perhaps you can't imagine, and I hope you never truly can.  But in practicing empathy it's worth trying.

And some how this idea of growing out my gray hair has snuck in.  It's been 5 months without even realizing.  Like many things in my life, this one happened sneakily mostly due to lack of attention.  Case In Point...Ran out of diapers - time to attempt potty training.  Eating a brownie sundae every night before bed, oven breaks and I'm too irritated to fix it (SERIOUSLY my Viking has been a lemon!) so I stop baking for a few months, brownie problem fixes itself, guys I had no idea you aren't supposed to do that, oh the bliss of youth.  A summer full of camping adventures and a stylist that is just so good she's super booked, I'm going gray.  Grey.  Grombre. 

What I hadn't anticipated was the emotions that would bubble up as the gray roots emerged.  It's still shocking sometimes to look in the mirror, but I'm getting more used to it.  I actually love the gray that is showing,  I love seeing ME unfold, OH HELLO there, didn't even know THAT was under all that.  A wise friend put it best - it's reframing how I have seen myself almost always.  It's letting go, not to be confused with letting myself go.  See the difference.  Over the past month, as I've gone from too lazy so there's roots showing to yeah - I'm actually doing this, I've begun to think of aging as a chance to reveal more of who I truly am.  And a chance to grow closer to my mom.  What I HATE is that she isn't here to talk through these life changes over coffee.  Fuck I hate that so much.  But if I pay attention, gifts like these gently float into my grief journey, and I feel more of her in me.  40 for me really means settling into my own skin, and obviously not settling like throwing in the towel but in becoming comfortable with myself, obviously.  

This transition period, however, I do not like, and perhaps I will figure out how to deal with the mixes of me, the gray and the blonde.  Perhaps I won't.  I refuse to let what I an Iphone photo portrays of me decide how I feel about myself.  I refuse to let society dictate that I am old and incapable.  When my boys state "Mom you look like a grandma."  I remind them that society tells them they look like girls.  Perhaps we shall walk this journey of changing peoples minds together.  They agree.  I love that.  and my fire is fueled to keep going.  Somedays I'm less affected than others.  I imagine this battle will ebb and flow.  And I can't wrap my brain around how long this process will take.  But I do imagine there is gonna be more treasure found in this journey of aging.  UGH.  and so good.  It's both.  

And lots of hats.  and statement headbands.  and lipstick.  and collagen.

And I am alive.

These photos were taken after a few days of feeling blah.  I needed to brush it out and celebrate.  Own it, rather than letting it own me.  And wearing a few of my favorite things always helps.

kimono - Sway & Cake.  gifted

tank - Everlane.

jeans - vintage Levi's.

boots - Queen Anne Dispatch.

There isn't a real point to this blog post, it's more just a stream of thoughts I have been having over the last month.  I had hoped to gather them more succinctly (how I've always wanted to use that word properly, don't tell me if I'm wrong.) but in actuality that post may never happen and it's time to just push publish.

Except one more point, at the end of the day, it's just hair.

thank you for reading and sharing in this journey.  I've love to hear your thoughts.

best
kirsty

Cocktail Curls. The Curl Files

An easy, elegant naturally curly hairstyle for an evening out.  

SO, for obvious reasons that I think are pretty obvious, it's important to me that people don't just think of straight hair and smooth wand-created curls when they need to be fancy.  Why can't we all just be a little bit more unruly and dare I say frizzy.  Natural curls are professional, elequeont (even if I can't spell it) and fancy.

To me, big fluffy hair is the perfect accompaniment to a cocktail dress.  Black tie event?  Go big.  Fluff it up.

Variations of this curly hair style are my go-to for evenings out.  Side swept always adds interest, is super forgiving - making crazy runaway curls look intentional.  Plus you just pick the side that is looking best that day and pin the other side back.

I am loving the trend right now of multiple barrettes.  Why should bobby pins be so boring.  I dug through my bathroom vanity and found all my old favorites.  There's no rules here folks.  To get you inspired check out here, here and here.  Honestly I am obsessed with all of her barrettes.   And more simple but still stackably fabulous here and here.

The Not Really Directions, Directions...
step 1.  decide your part, I like to part my hair different then how it is laying that day, this way it creates instant volume at the root.  I have been wearing my part more towards the middle lately, so for this look I pulled pieces over from the left.
step 2.  I used a little bit of Beautiful Mess to smooth down the side that I was going to pin back, especially all the little baby hairs, a little goes a long way.  I also used a touch on the pieces I re-parted - to keep them from flipping back to the original part line.
step 3.  pin back with barrettes, make the side swept more dramatic by pinning it back further.  I just did a little bit because my curls were behaving (I just washed it yesterday.)  If my hair was on a further wash day I would have pinned if further back - maybe all the way to the left side. 
step 4.  fluff it up and spray with Innersense I Create Finish.  Get Dramatic.

What do you think?  Did I mention that this hairstyle also takes less than 10 mins.  Fantastic, because if I am having a night out, there's usually dinner for the kids and a home that needs picked up, and getting dressed and picking up the babysitter.  Already exhausted. 

Here are some of my favorite barrettes right now...

Every day styles

Fancy it up a bit.

Happy Fluffing.

best
Kirsty

Finding Rest In Wash Day. The Curl Files

I purposely let my hair washing routine be high-maintenance, carving out a couple hours during the week - this includes air-drying time folks - stay with me.  I have come to realize this one of the only times during the week that I rest and take me time to pause, reflect, meditate in prayer pose, and literally rest pose.  Who knew all of this was included in my hair washing?

I try to make it intentional.  A favorite scrub in the shower.  Coffee/Tea/Cocktail - depending on the hour of the day obviously, enjoyed while I diffuse.

I feel rejuvenated and refreshed.  I really should do it more often.

A close friend of mine referred to it as my curl meditation, and I'm totally on board with that.

The Curl Files. 3 Ways To Improve Scalp Health.

This post is for all us ladies (and gents) who have figured out how to extend hair washing days.  When you aren’t washing but every 3...4...5...days it’s important to keep your scalp healthy.  

Scalp Health

Why does this matter?  Well the healthier your scalp the longer you can go without washing.  Improving scalp health also improves hair growth and prevents premature hair loss.

3 things I do to improve scalp health...

1.  Cutting out silicones in my hair products has made a HUGE difference in the health of my scalp, basically my head was suffocating before under the slick coating...lots of flaking and dandruff.  Bonus, cutting out silicones is just plain better for you health.  You can read more in depth about silicones in hair products in this article.

2.  Evening scalp massages are key.  You know - after I brush (and ahem floss) my teeth, wash and massage my face, then onto my hair.  Phew.  But really it doesn't have to be long and drawn out. although that does feel so nice.  Essential oils are very helpful, especially lavender at stimulating hair follicles and improving blood flow and these work for hair that is prone to get oily - you just need a drop.  I simply put a drop on my fingertips and massage at the scalp.  For those of us wishing our hair would get more oily Righteous Roots Oil and Innersense Organic Beauty Harmonic Healing Oil can be added, I usually mix the lavender with another oil.  You can read more about why I like essential oils for hair growth in this blog post.

3.  Scalp brush in the shower.  I use mine when I condition after my hair is detangled and smooth to minimize breakage.  If I try to use while shampooing there's too much resistance.  This is a great article about scalp brushing.

You can also find these items below, click on image.

Thank you for reading.  

best,

Transformation Tuesday. My Top 3 Tips For Hair Growth.

Curl Talk today.  But really just hair talk, hair health....and a BIG Ol picture of me.  Oh hey!

Let's talk about my hair growth over the last 6 months.  Up to that point I had resigned to the fact that my hair was thinning and well just didn't grow that much...hello didn't need a hair cut for 3 years.  I took very good care of my hair overall but figured it was just part of aging - I know *eyeroll* enough with the aging card.

The first photo below was taken 6 months ago.  The 2nd photo was taken last week.  Even having had an haircut since the first photo was taken, my hair is longer and fuller...or is it "more full?"  Can you tell?  Before and after photos, require thought before, AND after.  This is my best attempt to show results without that thought in mind 6 months ago.  So maybe just trust me.

What have I done differently?


1.  No More Silicone.

A huge part of the problem was silicone.  The gel that I was loyal to, for over 15years, is full of the stuff.  And it created a smooth, dare I say less frizzy, curly texture that for years was the bees knees.  But towards the end, right before our breakup, my hair was lacking volume and the curls just felt sad to me, and I couldn't get them to hydrate.  Straw Like.  I think silicone gives us a quick fix but it doesn't address the real problems of what our hair needs to be healthy from the inside out (see more at the bottom of the post)

...in truth that smooth shiny coating was basically suffocating my hair.

and my scalp.  I did not have a healthy scalp!  I just assumed my scalp was also unhealthy because of the lack of washing.  Not the case.

How to spot:  ingredients that end in -cone like Dimethicone.  And luckily there are now so many great options for natural hair, a few of my favorite product lines...Bounce Curl, Curl Smith, Deva Curl and Jessicurl.  And that's just the short list for now....

Of course person's hair is different, this is what works best for my curls.  At times do I miss the smooth polished curl I could count on?  Absolutely.  But it's also sort of fun, if I can keep the right perspective, letting my curls be who they are.




2.  Being Mindful of More Collagen.

The jury is out on whether our bodies can absorb supplemental collagen, but in the meantime I have found improvement both in my hair, and my joints - not as achy and creaky.  Call it a placebo affect - I'll take it.

If you are going to take a Collagen supplement - please find one that is well-sourced from high quality ingredients.  You definitely get what you pay for.  Lately I have been using this one which is carried at both Whole Foods and my local Costco.  A scoop in a glass of coconut milk, and just drink it down quick.

You can also help your body boost it's own collagen productions by making sure your diet is high in protein-rich foods - meat, fish, beans, eggs and dairy.  Along with Vitamin C, Zinc and Copper.



3.  Scalp Health.

In between wash days, because I'm a curly girl and can go dayssss without washing, I do scalp massages.  This increases the blood flow to the scalp which promotes hair growth, healing and overall health.  My go to oils are Righteous Roots Oil and Lavender Essential Oil, occasionally I will use Cedarwood Oil.  I often mix them together, just a small amount and rub it into the roots of my hair, usually before bed.  Bonus:  both Lavendar and Cedarwood have relaxing effects that aid in falling asleep.  Again, research the brand you are purchasing from.  I prefer Doterra.

Lavendar and Cedarwood Oil also repel skin mites, which tend to make our hair fall out prematurely.  Best just to leave this one to my word, do NOT google this.  There's just no reason for microscopic bugs to be that magnified for effect.

This is also a deep conditioning DIY mask that I love to do with essential oils.



And a bonus 4th...  Regular Trims.  Cutting off the damaged ends and keeping the shape of the curls also helps keep my hair fuller and happier.


I can't even believe THE WEALTH of info on instagram about curls.  Those who want to stop straightening their hair and embrace their natural texture can find so much good stuff.  The curly community is uplifting and honest, and so informative.

If you're thinking of embracing your texture, of course I am totally here to tell you yes!  do it.  Some feeds to inspire you...Mandie is a great place to start if you have waves, also Dominique and CurlySue.  HonestLiz is hilarious and so helpful with product reviews as is Kelsey - and she tempts me to go short with my locks.  Anjana and her blog are a wealth of info on especially on deep conditioning - knowing what your hair needs...protein and/or moisture.  Kelly and Toni and Lulu to inspire the journey.   Some favorite hashtags... #curlygirljourney #loosecurlies and #kirstyscurls (that's me!)

Here to celebrate the good (hair) days and bad.  Would love to hear your thoughts.

best,
Kirsty

Why Pintura for Curly Hair. The Curl Files.

First what is Pintura?

Think of it as Balayage for curly/wavy/kinky hair.  What is Balayage?  Since my computer doesn't seem to recognize this as a word maybe I should explain that it's painting color onto your hair, rather than foiling.  It tends to give a more natural look, and works especially well for the ombre looks that are on trend right now. 

Why Pintura?

And why it's the color technique of choice for my curls.  With the Pintura technique a  stylist paints the color paying careful attention to curl patterns and layers throughout your hair.  What I LOVE is that I still have depth and definition of my curls vs. all my hair being the same color and losing the definition that comes from highlights and lowlights, but it's a more even appearance.  Because my hair tends to lighten on top and then clump together to form curls, I can end up with dark patches exposed from underneath.

Just like cutting curly hair takes different attention and technique than straight hair, coloring curly hair needs similar attention.

See those oh so awesome before and after photos below...

before                   

after                       

Oh my look at all that gray!  I love how Alisha also darkened my roots giving me that just right amount of fabulously undone.

If you have curly hair and are in the Seattle area, I recommend Alisha at Haven Salon for both hair cuts and color.  Be patient though, she books out 4-6 weeks in advance.  That's a good sign she is worth it.

Thank you for reading.

best
Kirsty

That One Time I Went To NYC By Myself.

It's a curious thing traveling alone, and it has been a very long time since I have done so.  Work trips haven't exactly been on the agenda when my main focus has been mothering.  When the opportunity arose to travel to NYC I was both excited and terrified.

The terrified comes from leaving my family, the success to even think about doing such a thing has come from a lot of therapy sessions, talking through the rational fears, yes they are real but NO they don't get to decide.  I secretly hoped that the opportunity would fizzle itself out, so I wouldn't have to make the decision.

Also an interesting point, my first trip to NYC, post college graduation, albeit cherished moments with my besties, was also riddled with anxiety having lost my mom only months before.

So to embrace this trip from both a professional and personal side held so much richness for my soul, there were many moments that brought me to tears and made me giggle delightfully.  Wearing my emotions on my sleeve is not a surprise, but the empowerment I realized in myself was.

Also to be noted, I'm not far off from conversations with myself.

It was also fascinating to pay attention to what was all around me, people and places, because I was solo - no kids to keep an eye on, no one to carry on a conversation with - again, except myself - yikes.  I took this opportunity to make eye contact and use words.  I complimented when something caught my eye.  I thought it would be a fun challenge, you know that whole New Yorker thing, but honestly no good grit there, everyone was very nice.  It could have been that I happened upon the city on a near 80 degree day after a very frigid winter and nearly non-existent spring - the cheer was in the air.

It was so good, everywhere.  SO many sweet moments.  Could be that I don't get out much, or maybe my perspective has matured.  I relished it all.  Landing my first moment in the city at Bird and Branch coffee, just in the nick of time before I curled up on the street to sleep, their homemade almond macadamia nut milk was the elixir I needed.  Red eyes are killer.  Kill-ER.  The buzzing tourism and blinding GIANT billboards of Time Square.  Meeting with hair professionals, because I am also an expert.  Treasure trove aisles of trims in Mood Fabric and the garment district.  Sitting alone for jazz and French 75's at the Refinery Hotel.  Falling hard for the streets of Soho.  Shoe shopping.  Looking up, at the sky, at the romantic fire escapes, the stone buildings.  Getting to see behind the scene happenings of a favorite curl brand.  Strolling along the High Line, an elevated urban greenway park created on top of a former railroad track.  Too cool.  Reveling the ballet at Lincoln Center, then bubbly and good conversation with cousins perched at a bar overlooking the busy night streets.  Subway smells and crowds.  The different shoes on the subway.  Fascinating.  Navigating Penn Street Station, losing all my "like a local" energy, holding back tears and finding the most helpful janitor in shining armor to briefly guide my way.  Walking out of the subway tunnel to be surprised by a clear view of the Empire State building.  Classic New York pizza.  Some of the best ice cream I have ever eaten.  No for real.  I had tears that it would not be an experience I could have back in Seattle.  Seed and Mill, note it.   The real fear I felt as a fire alarm went off, but also the tools to bring myself back.  Feeling light as air in a new silk dress.

48 hours and done.

So these photos are a great part of my trip's story.  I was walking in Soho and saw someone taking photos of the graffiti wall across the street, that I was also admiring.  Figuring he had a good eye, and I can take all the help I can get, I decided to ask the man if we would mind taking a picture of me in front of it, and hopefully not cut off my shoes.  He remarked that he was going to ask me the same question, he happened to be street style photographer for Shei Magazine and liked my style that day.

I was both flattered and honored.  And so a brief conversation was had and these pictures were taken.  Evan's dream is to be a photographer for National Geographic, today he happened to be hunting fashion on the streets in Soho, I couldn't agree more.

This was my true street style on day #2.

skirtall - Numph DK c/o.  

shirt - Traffic People, Queen Anne Dispatch (they'll ship!)

hat - Brixton, Anthro

shoes - Halogen, Nordstrom

bag - Hobo c/o

earrings - Lucia K. Jewelry

I got to go to NYC for my curls, right?  I know.  But honestly I still can't quite believe it.  And the company is not releasing info on their endeavor yet so I can say no more except that I got to interact with other cool curlies and we talked a lot of curl talk.  A lot.

New York's energy is amazing.  I'm exhausted and my feet blistered.  You can see more in my instastories.

Happy to be home.

best,
Kirsty

Outfit photos by Evan.

Spring Hat Edit

I am heading to NYC the beginning of next week to work with a salon brand on a curly hair product launch, whhhhhhat?  I bought this hat in preparation, because I plan to spend every extra second shopping and eating - NOT washing my hair.

Hats make the most wonderful travel companions.

Hats also hide bad hair days, offer sun protection and elevate style instantly.  I love hats.

There are so many fun versions right now so I thought I’d share my 4 favorites in hopes to inspire you all to try more hats.  Or keep up the good work.

My spring hat picks...

The fisherman’s cap.  Other variations are newsboy cap, engineer cap, bakers cap.

I am super excited about this style.  This is the one I am wearing in the photo above.  This particular hat is white wool, the perfect mix to wear year round and I plan on it.  I wore it with wide leg jeans and an off the shoulder top the day I got it - pulled it right out of the box and wore it, sign of a winning purchase right?



Wide rimmed and woven.  Fedoras.  Straw hats.

If you're local to Seattle- all 3 of these hats are in my shop right now.  Come visit us on Queen Anne, maybe you will find a few things you can't leave without.

If you're not nearby, I found a few similar online.  Here are my picks...

Happy Happy Hats!

best,
Kirsty

Finger Coiling. How I Style My Curls On Wash Day

Gosh I have been promising a curly hair styling tutorial video for so long, it's embarrassing.  But I just never felt like I had my act together enough to film and edit a video, and post it (well that part might still be the case.)

And had that perfectly placed bathroom plant.    

Then one Saturday, the lighting was so right, isn't it always about the light?  I had just washed my hair and was inspired mid product.  So in my pjs, no makeup on I propped my phone up on my vitamix - highest contraption I could find, and I filmed.  

The kicker... my video only exists in instagram.

How to watch it.

1.  go to @thekirstyfiles on Instagram,

2.  In my profile highlights it's called "wash day style"  ( I think you can only watch on your phone or Ipad - I know BIG eye roll.)

See not so bad?  and if in the meantime someone can teach me how to upload the video that would be grand!

cheers to babysteps.

best,

Kirsty

Wash Day Wonder Product Review. The Curl Files

I wasn't sure what to think when Wash Day Wonder came in the mail.  Another step to add to my wash day process?  And to be honest my hair doesn't get super tangly so I wasn't sure what benefit I would get from this product.

First: What to do...use this product as a pre-wash.  Once your hair is wet you use it as you would your conditioner to detangle and create slippery locks, gently smoothing it through sections of your hair until your strands are sort of like wet noodles.  No really, this was an example I heard recently and I was like - yep, totally.  I just use my fingers to detangle but a wide tooth comb would work as well.  Rinse.  Then continue with shampoo and conditioner

What I liked:  it makes my shampooing much more effective with less shampoo needed.  My hair is easier to cleanse and I can get to all the inside layers.  Who knew?  I also like that I need less conditioner as well because again, my hair is already slippery and detangled, I am simply smoothing my locks with conditioner. 

So instead of my hair being smooth, detangled and slippery at the end of my shower, it happens at the beginning.  I didn't realize this would be helpful but it most definitely is.  I especially like this because prior to Wash Day Wonder, I often felt like I couldn't effectively massage my scalp which is so important to stimulate blood flow and hair regrowth.  Since I only wash my hair every 4-5 days I gotta make it count.  Grow hair grow!

Curious if any of you have tried this new product and what your thoughts are?  You can see more of my curl posts under "the curl files"

More curly tips you say?  I'm getting there!  in the meantime you can follow my hashtag #kirstycurls

thanks for reading,
Kirsty


This post is done in partnership with Deva Curl.  I only share my own opinions.  I would love to hear your feedback as well!

DIY Hair Mask With Essential Oils. The Curl Files

I didn't get any great photos to prove why I love this mask because my day just didn't go my way.  I had planned a day of cleaning and organizing my house while my hair soaked up all the goodness of a good deep conditioner.  Of course life came up in the forms of sick days and flat tires and pouring rain, so let's just say the house did not get organized.  NOT surprising.  The photo above was taken the next day on my Iphone, after my hair mask and being caught in a downpour.  I gotta say the frizz was less and the shine and curls were much better than expected considering the circumstances.

I also love this mask because everything in it I can eat.  I have been hunting for all natural deep conditioners.  The challenge is choosing which ones to invest in, they are often expensive and don't come in sample sizes.  Why is that??  Just let me purchase a single serving!  And reading the fine print - are they truly all natural??

Lastly I love this mask because of the addition of essential oils.  We use essential oils a lot in our home.  The lavender and geranium help to keep your scalp healthy and increase blood flow which promotes hair growth.  They also repel skin mites which cause your hair to fall out prematurely.  I warn: do NOT google this.  These oils are also thought to increase the stability of your hair follicles, which for curly hair is key.

So I have also been researching making my own hair mask.  After some tweaking, this is the one I have landed on.  I have used it a few times and I love the shine and definition it gives my curls.

Plus, I could actually eat it, nothing I can't spell or explain.

The other key, to any deep conditioner, is heat.  My favorite way to deep condition is with the Hot Head Thermal Hair Cap.  It's a hair cap made with rice, you simply microwave it to heat it up.  Genius.  It stays hot for about 15mins, then I just pop it back in the microwave for 1 minute and back in business.

My Curly Hair Mask:

After doing this mask treatment, my hair doesn't feel as smooth and slippery as it does when I condition it normally, the first time I tried it I was a little concerned.  But the results once I've styled my hair are awesome.

So next time you have an avocado that's just getting too ripe to eat, mash it into your hair.  And then tell me about it, I wanna hear what you think?

best,

Kirsty