What It Means To Be 40. Going Grey.

Is it Gray or Grey?!  Whichever It Is - Owning It.

On most days I can do 50 legit pushups.
I'm proud to say I can still hold my own in adventuring with my children.
I finally caved and had to change my font size, but just one level, on my phone.  it really should be two.
My right knee clicks when I walk up the stairs, I have 3 sets of stairs in my house.
I can jump on the trampoline, sometimes for 30 seconds, sometimes 5 minutes, before my bladder neeeeeds to be relieved.
OH that bladder.
I contemplate botox, just for my scowl line - oh that one has been perfected for years.  But I haven't done it YET.
I add collagen to my coffee every morning.  btw this is the one I like best, dissolves easily and has no taste.  I've tried a lot.

I'm alive.  What a freakin privilege to be alive.  


I slipped into this decade of 40.  No big party or hoopla.  We bought a really great mattress and Nick gave me matching PJs.  It was as good as it could be.  My mom passed away suddenly on my 22 birthday, so as you can imagine it's been a long road to being able to even acknowledge this day as a good one.  Or perhaps you can't imagine, and I hope you never truly can.  But in practicing empathy it's worth trying.

And some how this idea of growing out my gray hair has snuck in.  It's been 5 months without even realizing.  Like many things in my life, this one happened sneakily mostly due to lack of attention.  Case In Point...Ran out of diapers - time to attempt potty training.  Eating a brownie sundae every night before bed, oven breaks and I'm too irritated to fix it (SERIOUSLY my Viking has been a lemon!) so I stop baking for a few months, brownie problem fixes itself, guys I had no idea you aren't supposed to do that, oh the bliss of youth.  A summer full of camping adventures and a stylist that is just so good she's super booked, I'm going gray.  Grey.  Grombre. 

What I hadn't anticipated was the emotions that would bubble up as the gray roots emerged.  It's still shocking sometimes to look in the mirror, but I'm getting more used to it.  I actually love the gray that is showing,  I love seeing ME unfold, OH HELLO there, didn't even know THAT was under all that.  A wise friend put it best - it's reframing how I have seen myself almost always.  It's letting go, not to be confused with letting myself go.  See the difference.  Over the past month, as I've gone from too lazy so there's roots showing to yeah - I'm actually doing this, I've begun to think of aging as a chance to reveal more of who I truly am.  And a chance to grow closer to my mom.  What I HATE is that she isn't here to talk through these life changes over coffee.  Fuck I hate that so much.  But if I pay attention, gifts like these gently float into my grief journey, and I feel more of her in me.  40 for me really means settling into my own skin, and obviously not settling like throwing in the towel but in becoming comfortable with myself, obviously.  

This transition period, however, I do not like, and perhaps I will figure out how to deal with the mixes of me, the gray and the blonde.  Perhaps I won't.  I refuse to let what I an Iphone photo portrays of me decide how I feel about myself.  I refuse to let society dictate that I am old and incapable.  When my boys state "Mom you look like a grandma."  I remind them that society tells them they look like girls.  Perhaps we shall walk this journey of changing peoples minds together.  They agree.  I love that.  and my fire is fueled to keep going.  Somedays I'm less affected than others.  I imagine this battle will ebb and flow.  And I can't wrap my brain around how long this process will take.  But I do imagine there is gonna be more treasure found in this journey of aging.  UGH.  and so good.  It's both.  

And lots of hats.  and statement headbands.  and lipstick.  and collagen.

And I am alive.

These photos were taken after a few days of feeling blah.  I needed to brush it out and celebrate.  Own it, rather than letting it own me.  And wearing a few of my favorite things always helps.

kimono - Sway & Cake.  gifted

tank - Everlane.

jeans - vintage Levi's.

boots - Queen Anne Dispatch.

There isn't a real point to this blog post, it's more just a stream of thoughts I have been having over the last month.  I had hoped to gather them more succinctly (how I've always wanted to use that word properly, don't tell me if I'm wrong.) but in actuality that post may never happen and it's time to just push publish.

Except one more point, at the end of the day, it's just hair.

thank you for reading and sharing in this journey.  I've love to hear your thoughts.

best
kirsty

I've Got The Party Pants, & Shirt...Now I Just Need A Party.

Brunch.  Work.  Date Night.  Ladies Night.  Blog Events.  Ice Cream.  Coffee Dates.  Cocktails.  Summer BBQ.  Dinner Party.  Garden Party.  Window Shopping.  Shoe Shopping.

I love this outfit.  It's the type of outfit that makes me think of everything fun.  Oh the places I shall go in palm print pants and the perfect tailored shirt.  

I've got the perfect outfit covered.  Now that calendar...

And who wants to join me? 

 

shirt - Sarah Alexandra c/o

pants - Traffic People, Queen Anne Dispatch

shoes - Dolce Vita, old.  similar

ring - Queen Anne Frame

similar palm print pants here...

I also wore this shirt here, see more of why I love it.

And these pants have a matching top, seen here.

photos by Courtney.

Happy Tuesday.

Kirsty

Finger Coiling. How I Style My Curls On Wash Day

Gosh I have been promising a curly hair styling tutorial video for so long, it's embarrassing.  But I just never felt like I had my act together enough to film and edit a video, and post it (well that part might still be the case.)

And had that perfectly placed bathroom plant.    

Then one Saturday, the lighting was so right, isn't it always about the light?  I had just washed my hair and was inspired mid product.  So in my pjs, no makeup on I propped my phone up on my vitamix - highest contraption I could find, and I filmed.  

The kicker... my video only exists in instagram.

How to watch it.

1.  go to @thekirstyfiles on Instagram,

2.  In my profile highlights it's called "wash day style"  ( I think you can only watch on your phone or Ipad - I know BIG eye roll.)

See not so bad?  and if in the meantime someone can teach me how to upload the video that would be grand!

cheers to babysteps.

best,

Kirsty

Wash Day Wonder Product Review. The Curl Files

I wasn't sure what to think when Wash Day Wonder came in the mail.  Another step to add to my wash day process?  And to be honest my hair doesn't get super tangly so I wasn't sure what benefit I would get from this product.

First: What to do...use this product as a pre-wash.  Once your hair is wet you use it as you would your conditioner to detangle and create slippery locks, gently smoothing it through sections of your hair until your strands are sort of like wet noodles.  No really, this was an example I heard recently and I was like - yep, totally.  I just use my fingers to detangle but a wide tooth comb would work as well.  Rinse.  Then continue with shampoo and conditioner

What I liked:  it makes my shampooing much more effective with less shampoo needed.  My hair is easier to cleanse and I can get to all the inside layers.  Who knew?  I also like that I need less conditioner as well because again, my hair is already slippery and detangled, I am simply smoothing my locks with conditioner. 

So instead of my hair being smooth, detangled and slippery at the end of my shower, it happens at the beginning.  I didn't realize this would be helpful but it most definitely is.  I especially like this because prior to Wash Day Wonder, I often felt like I couldn't effectively massage my scalp which is so important to stimulate blood flow and hair regrowth.  Since I only wash my hair every 4-5 days I gotta make it count.  Grow hair grow!

Curious if any of you have tried this new product and what your thoughts are?  You can see more of my curl posts under "the curl files"

More curly tips you say?  I'm getting there!  in the meantime you can follow my hashtag #kirstycurls

thanks for reading,
Kirsty


This post is done in partnership with Deva Curl.  I only share my own opinions.  I would love to hear your feedback as well!

DIY Hair Mask With Essential Oils. The Curl Files

I didn't get any great photos to prove why I love this mask because my day just didn't go my way.  I had planned a day of cleaning and organizing my house while my hair soaked up all the goodness of a good deep conditioner.  Of course life came up in the forms of sick days and flat tires and pouring rain, so let's just say the house did not get organized.  NOT surprising.  The photo above was taken the next day on my Iphone, after my hair mask and being caught in a downpour.  I gotta say the frizz was less and the shine and curls were much better than expected considering the circumstances.

I also love this mask because everything in it I can eat.  I have been hunting for all natural deep conditioners.  The challenge is choosing which ones to invest in, they are often expensive and don't come in sample sizes.  Why is that??  Just let me purchase a single serving!  And reading the fine print - are they truly all natural??

Lastly I love this mask because of the addition of essential oils.  We use essential oils a lot in our home.  The lavender and geranium help to keep your scalp healthy and increase blood flow which promotes hair growth.  They also repel skin mites which cause your hair to fall out prematurely.  I warn: do NOT google this.  These oils are also thought to increase the stability of your hair follicles, which for curly hair is key.

So I have also been researching making my own hair mask.  After some tweaking, this is the one I have landed on.  I have used it a few times and I love the shine and definition it gives my curls.

Plus, I could actually eat it, nothing I can't spell or explain.

The other key, to any deep conditioner, is heat.  My favorite way to deep condition is with the Hot Head Thermal Hair Cap.  It's a hair cap made with rice, you simply microwave it to heat it up.  Genius.  It stays hot for about 15mins, then I just pop it back in the microwave for 1 minute and back in business.

My Curly Hair Mask:

After doing this mask treatment, my hair doesn't feel as smooth and slippery as it does when I condition it normally, the first time I tried it I was a little concerned.  But the results once I've styled my hair are awesome.

So next time you have an avocado that's just getting too ripe to eat, mash it into your hair.  And then tell me about it, I wanna hear what you think?

best,

Kirsty

The Curl Files, Changing My Ways.

If you follow me on instagram you may know that I have been changing up my curl routine.


And apparently y'all like my curls.  Aaaand I take a lot of selfies.  Ha!  My top 9 photos...

So I am promising to do better at sharing about my curl journey and process.

Starting today.

So why the change?
...It has been over a decade since I have changed up my go-tos when it came to my hair.  Why the change?  My curls were becoming dull and lifeless, lacking body and too tangly.  Plus I have been slowing removing chemicals from my house, now it's time to address my hair.

First step?
...The first step was a haircut, which you can read about here.   It had been 3 years, crazy!!

Next... I reached out to the curly community on instagram and I couldn't believe what I found.  So many curly girls AND new curl products.  I am so STOKED to see all these women embracing their curls, and sharing their curl journeys with the world.  I was inspired and motivated.  And some of the before and afters are Ahhhmazing.

And here we are.

My curl journey is still evolving, a work in progress.

But there are two big changes I wanted to share...
1.  discovering Bounce Curl, I am using the Shampoo, Conditioner and Light Creme Gel.  I am still trying out other styling products - I feel like my hair needs a teensy bit more hold, but I am so happy with the results from Bounce Curl.  My hair is lighter, less weighted down, softer and curlier, there just seems to be more spring.

2.  how I am applying my conditioner, run the conditioner through your hair in sections until it is completely smooth and slippery.  No more brushing, and I was previously dedicated.  I know I'm so behind, but I was using the brushing after my shower to achieve the smoothing effect that i now do in the shower with the conditioner.  I mostly use my hands in the shower but if my hair is extra dangly I have a wide tooth comb, that I GENTLY use while conditioning.  Then rinse.  And the important final step is applying my Light Creme Gel when my hair is dripping wet.  You can read more about that here.  I am a believer.

I promise to share more as I discover new products I love and ways to care for curls.  Next up I will attempt to share some of my favorite naturally curly resources that I have been compiling.

In the meantime I'd love to hear about your hair journey?  No matter what type, it is about embracing our beauty and celebrating it.

Happy Friday,
kirsty

5 Tips On How to Have A Good Curly Hair Cut

If you have curly hair I am sure you can relate to having walked out of a salon totally bummed about what just went down.  Too many times I have left completely disappointed with my haircut.

And then it takes forever to grow it back out.  Right?

Ugh.

So before I knew it, not wanting to deal with a bad haircut led to my 3 year hiatus to hair grooming.  On the 3 year anniversary since my last haircut, I was contacted by Alisha.  Serendipitous?  Perhaps.  She answered every single question I threw at her, and walked me through the process she would do.  She wasn't the least bit deterred by my curl anxiety.  So eventually I agreed.  

And I'm so happy I did.

Before.  I have been doing the messy curls look for quite some time, but it was to the point that my curls really didn't have much shape, were definitely weighed down and my ends were getting too ratty. 

And after...

A bit more polished and cleaned up, and a little bit of bangs, which I love.  I feel current and my hair is much happier. 

So all of the questions and comments about my hair has got me thinking.  We all have different heads of curls but there are definitely ways to help guarantee a positive outcome when it comes to cutting them.  Here's what I think...

1.  Research the different techniques.  Two main curly hair camps are Deva vs. Ouidad.  

Having had both cuts, I can now say I prefer Deva.  The main reason is that a Ouidad cut tends to thin your hair out a lot.  I don't have thick hair, just a lot of body, and I want my hair big!  If you want your hair thinned, I think Ouidad is a great option, they focus on studying your hair pattern and thinning throughout the curl.

The other reason I prefer Deva is because they cut your hair dry while Ouidad cuts wet.  This is especially important to me because my hair is not very curly when wet which often leads to too much hair being cut off.  When my hair dries it shrinks up substantially.  

2.  Ask lots of questions.  A confident stylist will be happy to answer all of them.  I had heard that a Deva cut takes 3 hours, even these are questions I need to know.  

3.  Bring a picture of what you have in mind, and THEN ask the stylist how he/she thinks that would translate to your head of hair.  Sometimes what's in our head and what's in a photo is not the same thing.  Shocking.  Other variants are how thick your hair is and the curl type.  Realistic expectations are key.  There should definitely be an agreed upon plan before starting.  

This is the haircut I had in mind.  It was important for me to realize that my hair is not as thick as hers *sigh* and my curl pattern isn't quite that lose.  

4.  Go to your appointment with your hair styled, even if it means washing and styling just to go get it cut.  Honestly I think these are my very best hair days - it's a "please don't cut me off" ploy by my locks.  This is very important for your stylist to see how your curls fall, your problem areas, what you love about your hair, etc etc etc.  My last unfortunate haircut 3 years prior I had been at the pool all day (I know tough life) and came with my hair in a messy bun, this definitely did not help my success rate.  

5.  Don't be afraid to research your stylist.  Many have instagram accounts now.  A particular stylist that was recommended to me, upon researching his instagram account, only showed straight hair, or curly hair that he had straightened.  Don't get me wrong I have (almost) nothing against an occasional blowout, but if your stylist isn't celebrating your curls, and you wear your hair curly, there is a high likelihood that this cut isn't going to go well.  

After my hair cut with Alisha, she did a wonderfully thorough job of explaining the Deva technique, from washing and conditioning to styling.  I have to say I actually learned some great tips that I didn't already know.  

If you live in the Seattle area, I would highly recommend Alisha for a curly haircut.

And I'd love to hear your thoughts and advice on curls, it's a curl community.  You can see more of my curl talk under "the Curl files" up top.

photos by Jessica

best,
Kirsty

This post was done in partnership with Alisha, she is responsible for the cut, I am responsible for the gushing over her results.

Before and After. Now You See Them, Now You Don't

Getting up close and personal (selfie style) today to talk about one of my favorite beauty products.

I take a lot of liberties with having curly hair.  You know that messy bed head look, only washing every few days and often times just putting a hat on to delay hair washing one more day, in fact I haven't truly cut my hair in almost two years.  Oh dear.  Not proud of that last one, will save that for another post.

But one trick that I love is when I'm in between hair color appointments, which I admit is quite often a very long time, I use Color Wow Root Cover Up to camouflage my roots.

What, you thought I was a natural blonde?  Most of the time for sure.  Plus, I have so much gray.  So much that I am almost considering going gray.

Almost.

In all seriousness though I love this stuff.  It covers my roots effectively but looks natural.  It lightly covers the gray just so your eye doesn't head straight there.  Am I right?  And a little goes a long way, it's easy to brush on wherever you need it.  Bonus - you can use it on your brows in a pinch.

I like to mix two shades - dark blonde and light brown, since my hair has a lot of highlights and lowlights.

Ready for a before and after?

 Before - my lovely gray roots      

And after.

So there you have it.  What do you think?  A whole lot of my face.  You can see more hair talk on my "the Curl files" and "go-to curly hair products" pages.

Color Wow is available at Ulta, Overstock, Bloomingdales & ColorWowHair.com

Thanks for reading.
Kirsty

This post was done in partnership with Color Wow Hair, but for sure this opinion (and all my gray hair) is entirely my own.  I love this stuff!

My Half Top Knot with 7 Haircare. The Curl Files

Well I don't often wear my hair on top of my head because it just doesn't work.  I always want that effortless top knot look, it's just not effortless for me.  And not the good type of messy.  Really.

My hair doesn't typically like to be pulled straight back, it's like telling it what to do.  It doesn't listen and rebels with a lot of frizz around my hairline and crown.

This look came together with the use of Seven Salon Haircare and I couldn't be more pleased.  It is my best attempt at a half top knot.

Using second day hair I smoothed the top with a small amount of polish balm, I also sprayed it with a tiny bit of dry shampoo to give it texture (side note:  I have never used dry shampoo before because my hair doesn't get oily but I like what it adds for texture, who knew?)  and a spray of working hairspray.  Then I lightly ran my fingers thru and tied it back.  Finally another quick spray of hairspray to keep those crazy little hairs in place.

Voila!

What do you think?  Any tips for me on top knots??

Photos by Angie.

Best,
Kirsty

Seven Salon graciously provided me with their haircare products to try, the opinion and results are all my own.

Warmer Temps, Deep Conditioning and Sun Protection for my Curls.

If you want your curls to perform for you, you have to take care of them.  This is not the first time I have preached how important it is to deep condition your locks, but I feel like it's always worth the reminder.  (see my previous posts under The Curl Files page)

I even tend to forget.  But when my curls start to get brittle and dry and sort of straw like, they remind me it's time.

Part of prepping for our upcoming California week of sunshine was deep conditioning. And packing for sun protection for my curls.  If I want my hair to be bouncy and happy, this is essential.  Last trip to California I noticed in pictures how dry and brittle my hair looked.  So this time I was on top of it.



1. Deep Condition

I use all of the below and I choose based on what I have on hand.

Amika Ophibilica Nourishing Mask - smells wonderful, leaves my hair super soft.  I tend to use this one most often as my regular condition as well.  Also available here.

Ouidad Melt Down Extreme Hair Mask - also has the best smell.  I nice thick conditioner, this is a favorite for me for deep conditioning.  Also available on Amazon for less.

Ouidad Treatment Curl Restoration - This one is the daddy of them all.  Very soft supple curls after treatment.  Also a bit of investment, but worth it.  And you don't need to use as much as they recommend.

The key is to let is sit on your locks for 20 mins and to add heat.  My new favorite way is with a shower cap and a plug in heat pad on my head.  Bonus:  it forces me to sit still, near a plug in, and breath deep breathes.

It's an all around win.

But this heat pad is specifically for your head, and microwave heated, so no plug required.  Hmmmm.



2.  Sun protection:

Just as we protect our skin from the sun, you should be thinking about your hair too.  Sun causes your hair to lose it's moisture, and for curly girls moisture is already at a loss.  And it causes gray hairs.

There are hair products on the market that have SPF in them, I haven't used them enough to recommend.  What I will do is rub a small amount of coconut oil though my hair, which has a natural SPF of 2-8 and antioxidants to help combat sun damage.  My hair sucks up the oils, it never tends to be oily so this works well for me.

If I am going to be in the sun for a longer period, I put a hat on.  Or at the very least, tie your hair up.

Your locks will thank you.

There are so many awesome hats out there, here's my winning trio from the Rack.  A trucker, a fedora and a floppy.  Done.

Curly hair tips?  I'd love to hear them!

Also you can find my jumpsuit here.

best,
Kirsty

My Go-To Curly Hair Products

Extending your curls

So pardon the single Iphone shot.  But it's a start, I'm just getting warmed up so please be patient.

Next time, before and after shots even.

And it's a selfie.

Ok enough disclaimers...

This is one way I extend the days between washing my curls., when all the little hairs around my face start to get unruly - mainly from being slept on, here's what I do:

1. wet the hair around my face line with a little water 
2. add a dab of curl gel and smooth
3.. clip the hair down, trying to go with the natural curl of the hair, until dry.  This tames the frizz, and keeps from damaging those delicate hairs by adding heat - I need them to stick around.  Read receding hairline.  Yikes.
4. Once dry.  Remove the clips and take a small dab of shine serum rubbed all over your palms and smooth hair root to ends.

These are the products I use to achieve this...

Happy Hairday.
kirsty

The curl files: TIGI Curls Rock

The one product that has been in my hair regimen for over a decade is TIGI Curls Rock.

It's that kind of - if I had to choose one thing I couldn't live without, desert island kind of deal, without being overly dramatic because lets be honest it's only hair and I could just wear a hat.   I do always have a backup in my cabinet.  And it's been over a decade.

So really, it is part of the secrets to my curls.

I love it's holding power without crunchy effect, it's sort of a creamy gel.  I also love the price point.

First let me remind you that you have to start with healthy curls, a good deep conditioner is your foundation.

What I do:
1.  After you wash/condition, do not tousle but gently squeeze out the water.  I just use a regular towel but I have always wanted to try this.

2.  I gently brush, some don't, I do, it's the only time my hair gets brushed.

3.  Separate your hair into sections, and add product to each section in a smoothing motion from root to end.  I usually go in this order...
-nape of neck
-each side
-top back of hair
-left top
-right top
-very front - I definitely always make sure I get product into the little tiny hairs around my face, those babies have a lot of curl and without product, its frizz town, plus my hair line isn't what it used to be and I need those little guys to behave and stay part of the forward hairline.

4.  After each section, you can do multiple styling technics.  I prefer wrapping small sections of hair around my finger and giving them a little squeeze before gently releasing.  Like my finger is a curling iron.  And I try to go in the direction my hair likes to curl,  except in the front what would be my "bangs", because those hairs are CRAZY curly, so I make them curl in an opposite direction to tame them, make sense?  I great way to see how your hair wants to curl is the rake and shake method.

5.  When all done - gently scrunch.  I usually let air dry a while before some diffusing, on low!  again gently.  Bonus, if you can lay down with your curls propped up behind your head.


That is the very basic of my curl routine.  Sound like a lot?  this takes about 8mins and I only wash/style my hair every 4 days or so.  And honestly if I don't style my hair it's sort of a disastrous embrace the messy look affair.

Every Thursday or so I plan to share my tips, tricks, styling techniques and advice towards better curls.  They are all filed under "the curl files" tab up above.

So there it is.  I quick bit on how I style.  Someday I will do a video.  Someday.

What do you think??  I'd love to know your secrets!!  Has anyone ever tried this?

xo,
Kirsty